Tag Archive | "Pandorum"

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New Releases: January 22

Posted on 21 January 2010 by William Gatevackes

1.The Tooth Fairy (FOX, 3,344 Theaters, 101 Minutes, Rated PG): My one problem with this film is that it seems to be based on the conceit that Dwayne Johnson, formerly known as The Rock, deliverer of the “People’s Elbow,” in a tutu and a pair of fancy wing would automatically be funny. That logic didn’t really work for Hulk Hogan in Mr. Nanny,so I doubt that it would work here.

Johnson has had some success with the kiddie fare over at Disney (as a matter of fact, I had to look twice to be sure this film wasn’t from Disney as well), so he might bring a lot to it that will rise it above the limited expectations.

Johnson plays a hockey player who, for some reason, is forced to become a tooth fairy. He decides to bring his own style to the job, hilarity ensues, and he learns something in the process.

2.Extraordinary Measures (CBS Films, 2,549 Theaters, 105 Minutes, Rated PG): There was once a time where the cinematic Harrison Ford never met a problem he couldn’t punch in the face. Now, he older, and he’s playing a character faced with a problem that I’m sure he’d like to punch in the face if he could.

It is strange to see Ford in the wise old doctor role. But, hey, outside of Indy, we really don’t want to see him punching out people anymore.

This story is based on the true story of the Crowley family whose children are afflicted with a terrible disease. Ford plays the doctor who is working towards a cure. He also serves as producer on the film.

The film has been a butt of a few jokes since the trailer was release, most especially focusing on Ford’s snotty response to the idea of working through the night to find a cure, but it does seem to be a cut above the typical disease centered movies.

3. Legion (Sony/Screen Gems, 2,476 Theaters, 100 Minutes, Rated R): Let’s see, based purely on the trailer, this one features machine gun-toting angels, elderly women who turn into wall-crawling demons, and another stop on the downward spiral that Dennis Quaid’s career has become. Seriously, in the past 12 months, he’s been in G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, Pandorum, and this one. And as the films get smaller, so do his parts. Yikes. Not a good trajectory

Although, to be fair, this film does have a pretty good cast joining Quaid. Everyone from Paul Bettany to Charles S. Dutton. Too bad the film looks  just awful.

A small town waitress is unknowingly pregnant with the savior of the human race. However, God is pissed at us and doesn’t think we deserve to be saved. He sends a host of angels down to Earth to kill Jesus 2.0. The only thing standing in their way? The Archangel Michael and a group of feisty, angel-fighting humans. 

So, if the baby was placed in the unwed mothers womb the same way the last savior was, then God in this movie is killing his own kid. That makes even less sense than angels using automatic weapons to kill each other with.

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New Releases: September 25

Posted on 24 September 2009 by William Gatevackes

Fame2009Poster1.Fame (MGM, 3,096 Theaters, 107 Minutes, Rated PG): Not a very good week for originality. We have a remake, what seems like it could be a remake, and a graphic novel adaptation. We will eventually come to a time when every film will be a different version of the same film, half of them starring Will Ferrell.

This is the remake of the 1980 film of the same name. I guess it still revolves around a group of kids at a performing art school.

The main characters are all unknowns, but the teaching staff appear to be a bunch of quasi-famous names, including at least one carry over from the original in Debbie Allen. So it’s got that going for it.

One of the most interesting things about this remake is that the original was rated R and this is rated PG. Have we come so far that what was an R in 1980 is now a PG in 2009? Or have they cleaned this up a little to try and appeal to the High School Musical crowd? Let me know, would you?

SurrogatesPoster2. Surrogates (Touchstone, 2,951 Theaters, 88 Minutes, Rated PG-13): This would be the comic book adaptation of the bunch. It adapts the 2005 Top Shelf miniseries.

It is set in the future where humanity lives their lives through robotic duplicates. When these duplicates start becoming destroyed, a mystery develops.

This is a little deeper than your usual comic book film, dealing with the concept of identity in a digital world. Metaphor, proof that comics aren’t just for kids anymore.

How will this do at the box office? Well, who knows? The concept is good, but if Whiteout is any indication, comic book movies that the general public doesn’t know that much about don’t usually do that well.

PandorumPoster3. Pandorum (Overture Films, 2, 506 Theaters, 108 Minutes, Rated R); Finally, we come to the one that should be a remake. Can you guess of which movie?

The crew of a space-faring ship discovers that there is an “Alien” presence aboard. They struggle to find out what it is and find a way to fight it before they are all dead.

At least that is what the ads make it out to look like. Perhaps the film doesn’t really resemble Ridley Scott’s Alien at all. I’m sure there is some kind of twist that separates the movies from each other.

What I am amazed by is that Dennis Quaid is in this. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that he’s getting work, but between this and G.I. Joe, it feels like he is really slumming.

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