1. Katy Perry: Part Of Me (Opened Yesterday, Paramount, 2,730 Theaters, 95 Minutes, Rated PG):I have to admit, I am a fan of Katy Perry. This is an embarrassing fact to admit because A) I am not a tween and B) I am not a girl. And I am not a fan of hers because of her obviously attractive physical attributes, I am a fan of her music. She is a rarity in today’s music scene–a pop songstress that writes her own music and manages to have her songs be both catchy and unique. “I Kissed a Girl” doesn’t sound like “E.T.” which doesn’t sound like “Part of Me.”

This would be enough to build a documentary/concert film around, but Perry’s rise to fame is an interesting story all in its own. Starting as a gospel musician named Katy Hudson and going through one name change, several genre shifts,and being dropped by no less than three record labels in the nine years before her “overnight success,” the pot holes on her road to fame would have disabled many a less determined person.

So, this might be a cut above the typical film of this type. And it’s in 3D, so those remarkable physical attributes will come popping right out at you.

2. Savages (Universal, 2,627 Theaters, 130 Minutes, Rated R): Do you get the feeling that Taylor Kitsch is cursed. In January, 2012 appeared to be a big year for him, as he was set to star in three major releases. However, John Carter was such a big disappointment that people were tripping over themselves calling it a flop, Battleship, while a success overseas, wasn’t the Transformers level hit that Hasbro expected. And now this film, which had a lot of buzz going for it, will likely be trounced at the box office by Spider-Man, Katy Perry and a talking stuffed bear.

The film centers on a pair of pot dealers (Kitsch and Aaron Johnson) who won’t play ball when a Mexican cartel muscles in on their territory. The war of wills gets nasty when their girlfriend (Blake Lively) gets kidnapped. The film was co-written and directed by Oliver Stone and also stars John Travolta and Benicio Del Toro.

Maybe the film will get lucky. Maybe a bunch of confused pre-teens will see Salma Hayek’s picture on the poster and think its the Katy Perry movie. After all, they have the same wig, only a different color.

1. Ted (Universal, 3,239 Theaters, 106 Minutes, Rated R): It’s hard to imagine when Seth MacFarlane wasn’t one of the most powerful men in Hollywood. Family Guy was cancelled after three seasons and it looked like he might just fade into the ether.

However, Family Guy got an unheard of reprieve  on FOX after it became a hit as part of Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim line-up. FOX gave it another chance on the network, the new found fans followed it back, and soon enough, MacFarlane add American Dad! and The Cleveland Show to the FOX line-up, lining his pockets all the way.

And now, films. This one has an interesting premise (a childhood wish for a bear that could come to life has different implications when the kid grows up) and a good supporting cast, but, for me at least, Mark Wahlberg seems miscast in the lead role. Not to be ageist, but I feel the part would have been better served with a younger actor.

2. Magic Mike (Warner Brothers, 2,930 Theaters, 110 Minutes, Rated R): So, we finally get to the male stripper movie.

Loosely based on the real-life adventures of star Channing Tatum’s days as a stripper, the film focuses on a young man being taught the stripping ropes by a more experienced dancer. All directed by Steven Soderburgh (?).

I have no idea how how this film will do at the box office. I did get the cover story in Entertainment Weekly, but that was back in May. The film looks like either a drama or a comedy, depending on what ad you saw. It does have a good ensemble cast. But will it draw a big enough audience to make some money? We’ll see.

3. Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection (Lionsgate, 2,161 Theaters, 114 Minutes): Tyler Perry once seemed to be a sure-fire box office draw. He had a built in audience and every film he did seemed automatic to debut at number one. He’s been struggling of late, but this latest film seems to be an attempt to reach a larger demographic.

Eugene Levy and Denise Richards star as the Needlemans, a family that has to enter witness protection. Why? Because Levy’s character was accused of running a Ponzi scheme that somehow the Mob was involved in. How were they involved? I don’t know. But I also don’t know why Madea’s house was chosen as the Needlemans hiding spot either.

The Madea movies still do well at the box office, but I doubt this film could beat the other films released this week, let alone Brave. 

4. People Like Us (Touchstone, 2,055 Theaters, 115 Theaters, Rated PG-13): Chris Pine stars as a man who finds out while settling his late father’s estate that his father, well, got around. Got around so much that his father fathered a daughter with another woman.

He does what anyone would do in this kind of situation–he tracks his sister down, infiltrates her life without ever once telling her who he is. She does the natural thing when a cute young man ingratiates himself into her life and becomes a positive role model for her son. She falls in love with him.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

All brought to us by the writers of Star Trek, Cowboys and Aliens and  Transformers. Of course.

1. Battleship (Universal, 3,690 Theaters, 131 Minutes, Rated PG-13): I slammed this film on Tuesday as a form of Hollywood’s twisted new brand of originality. I feel bad because, really, I should have included the film listed below in that article as well. Phooey.

Anyway, I don’t know if I have much more to say about the film now than I did then. It’s a movie “based” on a board game. It doesn’t really draw much from the original source, although it seems to borroow liberally from films such as Independence Day, Titanic, Pearl Harbor, Transformers and just about every other film where the plot is tertiary to the special effects. I mean, the rebel who has to avenge his brother’s death while earning the respect of father of his girlfriend is not the most original or stimulating plots.

Early reports predict that The Avengers will once again rule the weekend. But that’s alright. Battleship has already earned $215 million overseas against a $209 million budget. So whatever this film makes in the U.S. is just gravy. Boggle the mind, doesn’t it?

2. What To Expect When You’re Expecting (Lionsgate, 3,021 Theaters, 110 Minutes, Rated PG-13): As the father of a three-year-old, I am very familiar with “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and it’s sequels,  ”What to Expect The First Year,” “What to Expect The Second Year,” and “What to Expect the Toddler Years.” It’s a trade paper ATM machine where worried first time parents can have all their questions and fears answered and replaced with new questions and fears (No lie. Here’s an actual exchange between my wife and I: “Does she (our daughter) say 20 words yet? The book says she should say 20 words by now. I don’t think she says 20 words? Do you think we should take her to a doctor?” And that type of thing happens again and again because of that damn book.).

What the book does not have is a narrative, characters or any sembalance of a plot line. So this adaptation of the above book is, like Battleship, passing off a generic ensemble dramedy that could really have been called anything else under a familiar name in efforts to attract an audience. Yes, the book gives advice to expectant mothers experiencing the type of agita and angst the characters in the film, but the connection seems to end there.

But will the film be any good? Well, it’s got a great cast. I love Anna Kendrick and I love Elizabeth Banks. Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez have carried movies all by themselves before. But when the trailer offers “you don’t know true love before you’ve wiped someone’s butt” as an example of one of the best lines of the film, you have a horrible film.

A film called Dark Shadows opened last week. It shares the same name and a number of characters with a cult soap opera from the late 60s, early 70s. Both feature time-tossed vampires who join their descendants 200 years in the future. However, the film plays the story as a wacky fish-out-of-water comedy while the soap opera, which was campy because, well, it was a soap opera with a production budget of $5, portrayed the story as a somber Gothic romance.

This week, Battleship opens. It shares its name with a Milton-Bradley board game that was first introduced in 1943. The game is advertised as a game of naval strategy where players try to sink each others armadas first by guessing location of ships on a grid. The film, which was based on the game, features the U.S. Navy combating a sea-based alien invasion force.

Now, this won’t be the kind of post that criticizes Hollywood for their lack of originality. Hollywood has always adapted  works from other media for the screen. That is not necessarily a bad thing. To prove my point, let’s take a look at the Top 10 films on the 2007 version of AFI’s “100 Years…100 Movies” list.

Now, you can argue semantics about this list all night–this film should be higher, that one lower, this film included, that one not–but we can pretty much all agree that these are great films. What do we see here? We have five films based on novels or plays (The Godfather, Casablanca, Gone With the Wind, Vertigo, and The Wizard of Oz), four films based on or inspired by the lives of real people (Raging Bull, Lawrence of Arabia, Schindler’s List and Citizen Kane, which was a fictionalized account of William Randolph Hearst’s life) and one inspired by Hollywood’s history (Singin’ in the Rain). Not one wholly original, but great films nonetheless.

But those were adaptations done right. Unfortunately, Hollywood has the nasty habit of wanting to put their own stamp on properties they adapt, usually with not-so-good results. And Dark Shadows and Battleship take this habit to a dangerous and puzzling new level.

Now, I’m not naive as to think that every original work should be adapted to the screen with no changes. I realize that it would be impossible for eight seasons of a TV series, 300 pages of a novel, or 200 issues of a comic book to be squeezed into one two-hour movie. But doing a good adaptation means keeping the stuff that works, keeping the same tone and characterization, and if you are going to change anything, change it to the better. The problem lies in the fact that the film studios definition of better doesn’t really end up as being better.

This problem, unfortunately, is nothing new. Studios have been making changes to classic works from other medium for decades. Whether it be modern literature, like The Bonfire of the Vanities (Does the journalist need to be British? Why can’t it be Bruce Willis? And does Sherman McCoy have to be such a erudite jerk? Why can’t he be nice, like Tom Hanks? And why have spot-on, social satire? Wouldn’t broad comedy be better?), classic literature like The Scarlet Letter (You know what would make kids pay more attention to the book in school? If Hester diddled herself in the tub.), comic books like Jonah Hex (What? The character is basically the cowboy antihero archetype that led Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson to stardom? That will never work in films. Give him superpowers, have him stop an anacronistic weapon of mass destruction, and, please, make it campy), or video games, like Super Mario Brothers (You know who the best actors to play a pair of Italian plumbers would be? An British Cockney and a Latino American! And Dennis Hopper playing their turtle nemesis! It’s like printing money!), more than one film adaptation was ruined by studio’s “improvement.” But Dark Shadows and Battleship take these kind of changes to an entirely new, and dangerous level.

Dark Shadows is the latest example of a film trying to present a property that is loved by a large, cult audience while having the studio, or, in this case, the director put their own stamp on the project. But what it really is just an unnecessary form of this type of marketing.

While I don’t deny that Dark Shadows does have a following, the fans of the show are not exactly in the 18-35 demographic that make films a hit. It was before my time and I’m way out of that demographic.

And, really? Do you need help marketing a movie where Tim Burton directs Johnny Depp again? You could have kept the fish out of water/man out of time plot, you could have even kept the main character a vampire,  you could have kept the premise the same and not have it tie into Dark Shadows at all and people would most likely still have come to see it.

The real reason that the film is called Dark Shadows is because Tim Burton was a fan of the series and wanted to do his own take on it, a take even he knew that fans of the TV show wouldn’t like. I’m sure Burton probably sold the idea to studios using the TV shows built in fan base. But this was Burton co-opting an existing property for his own use when he could have, and should have, created something original that would have still allowed him to say what he wanted to say. Dark Shadows fans have a right to be upset.

The case with Battleship is even more absurd. It’s not really a case of an adaptation being screwed up by Hollywood, because, really, if there was any way to adapt that particular board game, it would probably an even worse film than this one.

One of the producers of this film is Hasbro, the toy company that bought out Milton Bradley and owns the rights to G.I. Joe, Transformers and, you guessed it, Battleship (And Candy Land, which also has a film in the works). What happened was that Hasbro saw how much money they could make on films with the first two properties, so they decided to make a film out of every piece of intellectual property they own, whether making it into a film made sense or not. Personally, I cannot wait for Easy-Bake Oven: The Movie.

Battleship, like Dark Shadows, is a film that could have been released under another name and still do probably the same amount of business. Also, like Dark Shadows, the demographic of the source material will probably not follow it to the big screen even it was an exact representation of the game. What we have here is a generic alien invasion flick with the twist that the invasion takes place at sea.

Yes, rumor has it that there will be a scene in the film that mimics the gameplay of the original game, and I’m fairly certain that at some point in the film we will see a character, most likely Liam Neeson’s, pull a pair of binoculars away from their faces, squint off into a point just past where the camera was placed, and utter with grim, steely reserve, “They sank my battleship” (or some variation there of). But other than that, the film could have been called Aliens At Sea and it would not have made a bit of difference, except that it would have been mocked slightly less in the press.

So this is what the state of the film adaptation is today. The source material is reduced to a name only, a name Hollywood can use to practice a new kind of originality. The names become tools for directors to work out the issues they had with the original source or companies to earn a quick buck from their intellectual property in by any means necessary. Hollywood has always been accused of not caring about the books, TV shows and comics they adapt. At least now, they are being honest about it. And they get to have the best of both worlds–a film with a recognizable public image that is an “original” creation by the Hollywood establishment.

Unfortunately, this trend will not stop here. By now we should all be familiar Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtles, which every one from Bay to co-creator Kevin Eastman have promised fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would deliver “everything that made [them] become fans in the first place.” Everything except the characters being Teenagers (they will be a bit older) or Mutants (they’re aliens). They couch these changes as “building a richer world,” as if the world that made the Turtles a pop culture phenomenon for thirty years wasn’t rich enough.

And you thought Demi Moore writhing in a bathtub was bad.

Don’t think that just because Michael Bay is done with making Transformers films that the franchise will quietly fade away. (Not that the franchise did anything quietly.) With the three films having already brought in close to $1 billion at the box office, you can be sure that producers will want to continue this particular cash cow for some time to come.

Yesterday, the franchise’s producer Don Murphy stated that the series wouldn’t start over again, but would continue forward from the last film. And of course, he stated this with his typical Don Murphy irascibility -

What happens next? Certainly not a reboot. We haven’t lost the Transformers. They didn’t grow up or become expensive like Toby Maguire. I don’t know what happens next. I’m pretty sure there will be a second trilogy. I am pretty sure it will kick ass. And I am pretty sure some of you will hate it because it wasn’t all bots.

No matter how the series moves forward though, it will be without Shia LaBeouf. The actor told the Associated Press back when the film was opening –

I’m done. I’m sure they’ll make more of them, it’s still a very hot franchise, there’s still value in it. I think people will still go to see it. I just don’t know if I have anything to contribute.

My own snide comments about the quality of LaBeouf’s contributions to the franchise so far, I wouldn’t bet the rent that this is the last we’ve seen of Sam Whitwicky in the series. Perhaps a writer will come up with something for the character that would lure LaBeouf back for another film. Even more likely is that they’ll wave a big paycheck in front of his face.

It’s not like Hugo Weaving needs any more geek cred. His role in the Lord of the Rings trilogy secured that. If that wasn’t enough, his performance in the Matrix trilogy cast it in iron. Then his adding his voice to Megatron in the Transformers films plated it in gold. And even his role in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert ensured that he will always have a cult status.

But apparently that wasn’t enough. The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that the actor is in negotiations to play the Red Skull in the upcoming Captain America film.

If this goes through, it will be the second time in ten years that Weaving has starred in a comic book movie, following 2005′s V for Vendetta. It would also reunite him with his director for The Wolfman, Joe Johnson.

The Red Skull, Captain America’s arch-enemy, was a German bellhop whose merciless nature caught the eye of Adolph Hitler. He quickly rose to the position of Hitler’s right hand man and was a constant foe for the star-spangled hero.

The search for who is to play the lead is still going on, but the list of potential candidates has been whittled down to Mike Vogel (Cloverfield), Wilson Bethel (The Young and the Restless, Generation Kill),  Chris Evans (The Losers, Fantastic Four) and Garrett Hedlund (Friday Night Lights, Tron Legacy), according again to The Hollywood Reporter.

1. Bandslam (Summit Entertainment, 2,121 Theaters, 111 Minutes, Rated PG): Good lord, there’s a lot of movies coming out this week. Hey, Hollywood, there is still a lot of weeks left in summer! Spread things out a little!

I’m going to go through these quicker than usual. So try and stay with me.

I only know two things about this film. One, it stars teenybopper star Vanessa Hudgens, a woman who can’t seem to stop taking cell phone pictures of herself naked. Attention: young Hollywood! Cell phones can be hacked! So if you take pictures of yourself nekkid to send to whoever, don’t go crying when they appear all over the Internet.

Second, there is a god-awful cover of Bread’s “Everything I own” in the film. This song is so solid that artists as diverse as Boy George and N’Sync can do pretty good cover versions of it. It is hard to screw this one up, but they did in this movie. Which bodes ill for it because this film is about a group of kids from different classes who form a band that wins a local battle of the bands contest.

If that isn’t enough to make you avoid this film, Hudgens’ character’s name is Sa5m. Yes, because she is a quirky free spirit or something. Couldn’t be more pretentious if they tried.

2. District 9 (Tri-Star, 3,049 Theaters, 112 Minutes, Rated R): If there is a record for number of films a movie is compared to, then this one would hold it. Lets see. It’s been compared to Alien Nation, Independence Day, Iron Man, and Transformers. And that’s just from the trailer alone. Whether or not it actually resembles any of those films is something we are going to find out.

The promotional blitz for this has been going on for well over a year. Posters for it were all over last year’s San Diego Comic Con. So this one has been in the works for a while.

The film deals with aliens who have come to Earth as refugees and the problems they cause by being here. The cast is filled with unknowns, so there is really nothing to draw people in except that plot. Will it be strong enough to make a dent at the box office? I guess we’ll see this week.

3. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (Paramount Vantage, 1,838 Theaters, 90 Minutes, Rated R): Ah, used car dealerships. When will they ever be anything less than a wellspring of comedy?

This film has the appearance of being a cross between Used Cars and Dodgeball. A down on their luck car lot must make a lot of money over the July 4th weekend or else be bought out by a bigger, slicker dealership.

The film has a pretty intriguing cast. Any film that has Alan Thicke, Ving Rhames, Charles Napier and James Brolin in it is worth seeing for curiosity value alone. And finally Jeremy Piven has found a vehicle to channel his Ari Gold-ness into a lead film role. Good going Jeremy. Take it easy on the sushi, okay?

4. Ponyo (Disney, 927 Theaters, 100 Minutes, Rated G): There is something so right about the partnership between Hayao Miyazaki and Disney. Both are legends in the field of celanimation and bothfill their movies with awe and wonder. Of course, Miyazakiis a bit more esoteric with his plots, but still. It’s a marriage made in Heaven.

This film revolves around a five year old boy who enters into a friendship with goldfish princess who longs to be human.

If that plot seems a bit out there, well, you’re probably right. However, when it comes to Miyazaki, it is pretty normal.

If you can only see one movie this week, take a chance on this one. I haven’t seen every Miyazaki film, but the ones I’ve seen were truly special and magical.

5. The Time Traveler’s Wife (New Line, 2,988 Theaters, 107 Minutes, Rated PG-13): Funny story. I bought the novel this film was based on the week it came out. I figured, I like time travel, why not take a chance. Right after I bought it, right after I left the store, I loaned it to a friend of mine. I still have yet to get it back.

The ads for this film compelled me to call this friend to playfully hassle her as to where the book was at all this time and give her a hard time for keeping it so long. Her response was, “You should thank me. I saved you from having to read it!” Take that as an indication as to what to expect from this film. 

One thing that bothers me about this film. Eric Bana is 41, Rachel McAdamsis 30. Now, in romantic movies, that kind of age difference is fairly common when it comes to men in relationship to women (and reversed in Sandra Bullock’s case). However, withthe whole time travel angle, the disparity in ages takes one an extra level of creepiness. Add to that the scene where Bana’s character visits McAdams’ character as a child and I just want to crawl out of my skin. Yuck!

Transformers:Revenge of the Fallen (Paramount, 4,000 Theaters, 150 Minutes, Rated PG-13): When the first Transformers film came out, I wasn’t very optimistic about it. Not that I was a fan who thought the filmmakers were going to screw up. I was more of a G.I. Joe fan as a kid, as the Transformer toys were a little out of my price range.

But a big budget film directed by Michael Bay starring the relatively unknown Shia LeBeouf and Megan Fox, with a bunch of talking robots who can change into cars? Seems like a recipe for disaster, no matter how good the trailers looked.

But, to my surprise, I found the film enjoyable. Definitely a popcorn flick, and a little by the numbers, but a good time. So, not that I’d ever think I’d be saying this, but I am really looking forward to this sequel, which has more robots but almost all the original cast back.

Now, if only the “low expectations, high reward” maxim will apply to August’s G.I.Joe film. Oh, god, I hope it will.