This Week’s Theatrical Releases

1. 10,000 B.C. (3,149 Theaters, 109 Minutes, Rated PG-13): Is anyone really excited about this movie? Does anyone out there have today’s date circled on their calendars just because this movie is coming out? Anybody taking the day off to catch multiple showings?

I know I’m not. I’m sorry; I don’t think a dude in a loincloth fighting sabertooth tigers is all that exciting. It’s not something I can relate to. I’m especially doubtful because historical accuracy isn’t exactly a highpoint. Unless people back then actually spoke perfect English, which isn’t likely.

But then again, I didn’t think Apocalypto would do that well either, and it opened at number one. And that movie has a similar plot to this one. The producers spent a conservative estimate of $75 Million on this film, so I’m sure they’re hoping it captures at least part of that film’s success. But I personally think that they are mistaken if they believe that they have a potential blockbuster on their hands. It if makes back that $75 Million, it will be lucky.

2. College Road Trip (2,706 Theaters, 83 Minutes, Rated G): The year is not even three months old and we already have our second Martin Lawrence film. I’d start cashing those IRA’s people, because if this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse, nothing is.

I kid. I kid. But it is kind of disconcerting to Martin Lawrence in a Disney movie. Even more disconcerting is seeing that this film was originally called “National Lampoon’s College Road Trip”. Methinks there has been a bit of rewriting since the original pitch came in.

The story revolves around a girl going on a cross country trip to visit various colleges. Lawrence plays her over protective father who joins her on the trip. Hilarity ensues.

It might be worth to see just to watch Donny Osmond, who appears to have transferred his goofiness from Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy” video into a movie career. I say, more power to him.

3. The Bank Job (1,603 Theaters, 110 Minutes, Rated R): This film has the feel of being a remake, but I can’t find any other movie, outside of an Estonian version from last year, bearing that name. I can believe that a title such as “The Bank Job” hasn’t been used before.

Jason Stratham, who has made a career out of the crime caper film, stars as a used car salesman who joins a foolproof heist of a major London bank. What should be a quick cash grab turns into something far more sinister when the vault they hit holds secrets about the highest level of the British government and the Royal Family in addition to cash and jewels. These people want the secrets to stay secret. Nefarious dealings ensue.

Sounds interesting—if you’re British. How will it play over here in the States? That’s anybody’s guess.

Now the predictions. This is what I called for last week:

  1. Semi-Pro
  2. Vantage Point
  3. Jumper
  4. The Spiderwick Chronicles
  5. Fool’s Gold

And this is how it turned out:

  1. Semi-Pro
  2. Vantage Point
  3. The Spiderwick Chronicles
  4. The Other Boleyn Girl
  5. Jumper

I was 2 for 5, for a total of 52 for 145 over 29 weeks with an average of 35%.
This is what I predict for this week:

  1. Semi-Pro
  2. College Road Trip
  3. 10,000 B.C.
  4. Vantage Point
  5. The Spiderwick Chronicles
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About William Gatevackes 1983 Articles
William is cursed with the shared love of comic books and of films. Luckily, this is a great time for him to be alive. His writing has been featured on Broken, and in Comics Foundry magazine.
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Rich D
Rich D
March 7, 2008 12:47 pm

Actually, I think SEMI-PRO is going to take a tumble and 10,000 BC, for as stupid as it looks, will probably do well based on the heravy marketing we have been bombarded with.

My thoughts-

1. 10,000 BC
2. The Bank Job
3. Semi-Pro
4. College Road Trip
5. Vantage Point