New Releases: August 22

1. The House Bunny (2,600+ Theaters, 97 Minutes, Rated PG-13): This film is the story of a former Playboy playmate who is kicked out of the mansion for being too old. She ends up being the house mother at a college sorority where she teaches the geeky, plain-looking girls how to glam it up a little bit and they teach her, well, how not to be so much of a bimbo, I guess.

Of course, I love how Hollywood presents these awkward girls. Almost all of them are brunettes or auburn-haired, none of them wear makeup, some wear glasses, all wear baggy clothes. Wait! Is this supposed to prove to me that these girls are unattractive? These girls, if I wasn’t already married, would be my type.

So, right there, the movie has lost me.  I mean, Kat Dennings and Katherine McPhee really don’t need glamming up to be attractive (well, no woman does in my opinion) so I kind of think this film is pointless.

 2. Death Race (2,400 Theaters, 89 Minutes, Rated R): Was it just me, or was the first thought that popped into your head when you saw this trailer, “Is Joan Allen slumming?”

Don’t get me wrong, the film seems like a fairly good sci-fi action flick, but Joan Allen has been nominated for an Oscar! Three Times! She should be making period pieces where dukes and duchesses stab each other in the back, not a film where inmates try to kill each other with cars.

Allen plays the evil warden in this in-name-only remake of the Roger Corman produced and Paul Bartel directed 1975 film, Death Race 2000. Jason Statham plays NASCAR driver Jensen Ames (love that name!) who was framed for killing his wife and is now forced to compete in the underground kill-or-be-killed car race.

 3. The Longshots (2,000 Theaters, 94 Minutes, Rated PG): I would like us all to take a step back for a minute. Look at this film. Ice “F@!# the Police” Cube and Fred “It’s All About the Nookie” Durst have made a kids movie. Yes, one of the founding fathers of gangster rap and a man who has a sex-tape are doing family fare. If that doesn’t make you feel old, nothing will.

Durst is directing Cube in this film, based on the true story of Jasmine Plummer who, at 11, became the first girl to play Pop Warner Football in its 56-year history.

Ice Cube has dipped his toes into family fare with Are We There Yet?,but it is totally weird to see the lead singer of Limp Bizkit directing a major motion picture. I wonder if they are going to collaborate on the soundtrack?

No trailer to imbed, so if you want to see it, you’ll have to watch it on iFilm.

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About William Gatevackes 1983 Articles
William is cursed with the shared love of comic books and of films. Luckily, this is a great time for him to be alive. His writing has been featured on Broken, and in Comics Foundry magazine.
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