New Releases: March 27

monsters-vs-aliens-poster 1. Monsters vs. Aliens (Paramount/Dreamworks, 4,104 Theaters, 94 Minutes, Rated PG): Wow, talk about a wide release! You hardly ever see a film open in that many theaters. As a matter of fact, I think that if this isn’t a record, it’s pretty darn close.

Yeah, I think its pretty safe to say this film is going to dominate the box office this weekend. I mean, something would have to go majorly wrong for it not to. And that’s not just because of the theater count.

Let’s look at the voice cast. You have both Reese Witherspoon and Renee Zellweger (which it think is a some kind of violation of the space-time continuum), several members of The Apatow Repertory Players, several cast members from the Office and Arrested Development, the leads from two of FOX’s most popular shows , and, oh yeah, Steven Colbert as the President.

Add to that the massive marketing blitz for the movie, and Dreamworks track record for creating hits, and you have the making for a sure-fire hit. Maybe.

the_haunting_in_connecticut_movie_poster2. The Haunting in Connecticut (Lionsgate, 2,732 Theaters, 102 Minutes, Rated PG-13): Groan. Yet another “based on true events” horror film. Which means that one time there might have been a place, it could have been in Connecticut, and there might have been a rumor that it was haunted. Outside that, pretty much everything else if fabricated.

And since the film is rated PG-13 (remember what we say kids, never trust a PG-13 horror film), the scares be rather toothless to boot.

And the gross factor, based on the ads with what looks like a character vomiting chocolate milk straight up (which was on a poster, which is decided not to use for this post), should be turned up to 11. Yeah, not a fan of scares replace by gross out moments.

But that’s just me. If you can’t get in to Monsters vs. Aliens, maybe you can take the kids to this.

12rounds_poster3. 12 Rounds (FOX, 2,331 Theaters, 108 Minutes, Rated PG-13): Or you can take them to see this one. It’s PG-13 too.

It’s the latest in the WWE’s attempt to make John Cena into the next Rock…er…Dwayne Johnson. But, this time, the odds are a little better,

The words “Die Hard 2” and  “Speed” in the title don’t just refer to the director (Renny Harlin) and producer. This film seems tied thematically to those two films.

The plot involves Cena’s girlfriend being kidnapped by a criminal he put away year before. The bad guy will kill the girl unless Cena completes 12 devious tasks the villain has come up with.

Yeah, the story doesn’t seem all that plausible and Cena might not be the best actor. But, you know what, Commando wasn’t all that realistic and Arnold didn’t win any awards for it, but it was still a great popcorn action flick. And Cena can have a good career doing those if he pulls this one off.

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About William Gatevackes 1982 Articles
William is cursed with the shared love of comic books and of films. Luckily, this is a great time for him to be alive. His writing has been featured on Broken, and in Comics Foundry magazine.
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