New Releases: July 24

gforce1. G-Force (Disney, 3,697 Theaters, 89 Minutes, Rated PG): On paper, this could be one of the stupidest films ever made. After all, it is about a team of highly trained gerbils that the Government has used as secret, paramilitary unit. If that premise doesn’t scream idiocy I don’t know what does.

But, in looking at the adds, I an feeling fairly positive about this film. Yes, the premise is supergoofy, but it seems like the filmmakers know this and are running with it.

And any film with Will Arnett and Zach Galifianakis can’t be all bad. And you know you have been waiting for someone to say “Poop in his hand! Poop in his hand!” in a movie for a long time!

orphan2. Orphan (Warner Brothers, 2, 750 Theaters, 123 Minutes, Rated R): Adoption rates for children older than infants is very low, and the chances of adoption gets lower the older the kid gets. This film could possibly kill those chances altogether.

The film focuses on a preteen named Esther who is adopted by a yuppie couple. The couple soon finds out that they made a dangerous bargain as Esther actively tries to kill the couple’s other children. I’m sure that behavior is not caused by Esther being a ghost of a child who had her throat cut in the 1920s or anything like that (That’s just a guess. But come on. Always wearing a choker? Outdated wardrobe? No record of her at the orphanage?)

If you like evil kid movies, well, here’s another one. But with the twist of “how can my judgement be so bad as to let this monster into my house”. The cast is great, so it’s got that going for it, which is nice.

awful truth3. The Awful Truth (Sony/Columbia, 2,882, Theaters, 97 Minutes, Rated R): If killer children of crime fighting gerbils are not your style, here’s a romantic comedy for you as a change of pace. And it’s rated R, too. Not really expected from a rom com.

The plot is a modern take on Cyrano as a pig dog man played by Gerard Butler has to train stressed out television producer Katherine Heigl how to get the man of her dreams. In the process, Butler finds himself falling for her, which sucks because she considers him, well, a pig dog man.

Heigl better be careful. She in danger of being typecast. This is,what, the 20th television producer she’s played?

Also, I have one major problem with Heigl in the brand of romantic comedy she decides to put herself in. She always plays a woman who never can seem to get a date. This is a major hurdle for me, and a lot of people, because there is no conceivable way that Katherine Heigl could ever go dateless.

Avatar für Bill Gatevackes
About Bill Gatevackes 2035 Articles
William is cursed with the shared love of comic books and of films. Luckily, this is a great time for him to be alive. His writing has been featured on Broken, and in Comics Foundry magazine.
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