{"id":21661,"date":"2012-08-13T11:01:35","date_gmt":"2012-08-13T15:01:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.filmbuffonline.com\/FBOLNewsreel\/wordpress\/?p=21661"},"modified":"2012-08-13T11:01:35","modified_gmt":"2012-08-13T15:01:35","slug":"the-word-on-the-robocop-remake-script-is-in-and-it-isnt-good","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.filmbuffonline.com\/FBOLNewsreel\/wordpress\/2012\/08\/13\/the-word-on-the-robocop-remake-script-is-in-and-it-isnt-good\/","title":{"rendered":"The Word On The ROBOCOP Remake Script Is In And It Isn\u2019t Good"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"It seems while everyone else was watching the NBC\u2019s butchered rebroadcast of the London Olympics Closing Ceremony, HitFix\u2019s Drew McWeeny was reading the latest draft of MGM\u2019s planned remake of Robocop<\/strong>. And the experience was so bad that he took twitter<\/a>\u00a0to share his thoughts.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re not familiar with McWeeny\u2019s work, it was his championing of Will Farrell\u2019s script for Anchorman<\/strong> back when he was writing for Aint It Cool News under the name of Moriarty that got the script into production. He was also the one who \u201couted\u2019 the J J Abrams Superman<\/strong> reboot screenplay<\/a> that recast Lex Luthor as a Kryptonian. The fan outrage from that review was what got Warner Brothers to head back to the drawing board and pick a new writer. For these two reasons alone, and not even factoring in the countless other script reviews he ran in his time at AICN, that I tend to give credence to his opinions on screenwriting.<\/p>\n

I tried to read the “Robocop” remake, but 20 pages in my nose started bleeding and I forgot my name. #nobueno #reallynobueno<\/p>\n

Joshua Zetumer with revisions by Nick Schenk. It’s just a complete rebuilding of it, and I hate pretty much every choice.<\/p>\n

Frighteningly wrong-headed.<\/p>\n

I will try this again once my blood pressure’s gone down. But, seriously, folks, “Robocop” was already perfect.<\/p>\n

I’ll share this one detail. In the film, when Murphy is turned into Robocop 1.0, it’s described “a high-tech version of the ’80s suit.”<\/p>\n

Then they show a focus group scene where criminals laugh at the design. “He looks like a toy from the ’80s!”<\/p>\n

So they redesign him to look “meaner” as Robocop 2.0, who passes focus group approval.<\/p>\n

So they not only make sure to include the original design, they also point out it’s dated and stupid. *facepalm*<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, they’re full speed ahead right now. With this script.<\/p>\n

Hold onto your sides for more hilarious “Robocop” details. They outsource his construction to China. #seriously<\/p>\n

And we meet the ED-209s in the field in Iran, where they’re used to subdue suicide bombers. #ineedallthedrinksnow<\/p>\n

Short version: this script makes my stomach hurt very, very badly.<\/p>\n

Ahhh… now they just dropped Robocop 3.0 onto an Al Queda training camp to see what he does.<\/p>\n

“He should be programmed to incapacitate in all scenarios.” “Agreed. Let’s keep him PG-13, Dr. Norton.” No. No. No. No.<\/p>\n

By page 54, they are already onto Robocop 4.0, who looks like a “cop on steroids painted metallic blue.”<\/p>\n

Oh, god… oh dear god… Robocop is a Transformer. He goes from “social mode” to “combat mode” and back. Full transformation.<\/p>\n

I’m going to go stand in my backyard and scream at the moon for a while. My brain needs a shower.<\/p>\n

Write it down. Page 55, the “Robocop” remake beat me. I’m done. I can’t hurt more than this.<\/p>\n

It’s tough to determine tone on the page, but “satire” seems low on their list of priorities.<\/p>\n

Okay… the two “best” lines in the script. First up is at the unveiling ceremony for Robocop in Detroit, from a TV reporter covering it.<\/p>\n

“I think it’s safe to say that Alex Murphy is now part man, part machine, ALL COP!” Yes, I too remember the original poster, asshat.<\/p>\n

Second, after the traumatic first meeting with his father, Alex’s son retreats to the apartment of Lewis, Murphy’s male partner.<\/p>\n

The scene ends with the action line “David sits, catatonic, looks at the TV — MGM REMAKE TBD.”<\/p>\n

It means “to be determined.” They haven’t decided which of their other movies to plug with that clip. Yet.<\/p>\n

Awesome. “Since we’ve got them in the theater, let’s make sure we plug another horrible remake of ours.”<\/p>\n

I feel like one of those little potato people staring directly into The Dark Crystal. And, yet, pages keep turning…<\/p>\n

Good god… it just keeps topping itself. It’s like someone wrote a script scientifically fine-tuned to destroy me.<\/p>\n

Someone shows Pope, head of the OCP project, some mock-ups for Robocop action figures. “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar!”<\/p>\n

Yeah, that just happened. NOT SO FUNNY NOW, IS IT?!<\/p>\n

When this thing hits theaters, people are going to call up Len Wiseman’s “Total Recall” on the phone and apologize for being so mean.<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry, ‘Total Recall.’ I had no idea how bad things could get. You’re starting to look like a masterpiece right about now.”<\/p>\n

Oh, much worse, yes. The Abrams Superman had amazing action sequences in it, and JP4 is batshit crazy but I’d watch it.<\/p>\n

I’ll say this: once the script stops all the winky-winky crap and just starts telling a story, it’s not terrible. But it’s way too late.<\/p>\n

If you can get past Robocop The Transformer, there are some interesting action beats. And I’m sure Padilla will direct the hell out of it.<\/p>\n

But overall? Ouch. Ouch. Ohpleasedon’t. Ouch. And a big side order of ouch.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ouch indeed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Wrong move, creeps.<\/div>\n

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