This Week’s Theatrical Releases.

1. First Sunday (2,213 Theaters, 96 Minutes, Rated PG-13): First off: Who is Katt Williams? I mean, I am up on entertainment, and I never heard of him before. And here he is getting second billing. Above SNL alum and 30 Rock star Tracey Morgan no less.

The plot involves a father (Ice Cube), who needs to raise $17, 000 in one week or else he will lose his son. He and his best friend (Morgan) decide to rob the local church. The plan goes awry and hilarity ensues.

I am puzzled about the whole “needs $17,000 or else he loses his son” thing. Does he have a rent-a-kid and he’s behind on payments? And do churches really have that kind of money lying around? I remember when I went to church, the priest always said that the church was poor and that we had to give as much as we could. Was he lying?

Anyway, this seems to be an ecclesiastical version of Ice Cube’s other movie series, Friday—The annoying comedy sidekick (Morgan instead of Chris Tucker), the fey stereotypical character, etc. It’s not for me, but then again, it’s not trying to be.

2. The Bucket List (2,911 Theaters, 97 Minutes, Rated PG-13): This, technically, is not a new release. But its number of theaters it is increasing by is more than the total number screens for First Sunday. So I decided to cover it.

Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are both Oscar winners. Director Rob Reiner has directed some of the best movies in the last 20 years. And yet the movie is drubbed by the critics. Sad.

What kind of makes me not want to see it is fact that it is a comedy about two terminal cancer patients fulfilling a list of the last things they want to do before they die. It’s hard to get past the words ‘comedy about tow terminal cancer patients”. And after that you have to deal with the implausibility of two men who are dying—weak and getting weaker—going on a road trip, jumping out of airplanes, and doing driving stunts.

And of course, it bills itself as a comedy, but you just know that there will be some maudlin scenes towards the end as either Nicholson or Freeman die, and we are choked by an overwhelming wave of poignant sentiment.

Still, Nicholson and Freeman, much like American Gangster’s Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington, should be good for some moments, and help make the treacle that will surely come more bearable and realistic.

3. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (1,605 Theaters, 124 Minutes, Rated PG-13): Oh, how I don’t want to see this movie. Let me count the ways.

I’m sure many of you savvy movie fans think I am say because it is because it is directed by famed awful movie director Uwe Boll. But, to be honest, I did not know he directed this film until only today. I have never seen any of Mr. Boll’s work, but every film critic in American can’t be wrong.

No, my doubts came when I first saw the trailer. Now, let me say, I have liked Jason Stratham in a number of movies that I actually saw him in. He can do a good action film—if it’s set in modern day. But he sticks out like a sore thumb in this period piece. And it all comes down to his hair.

Not that I’m anti-Bald person or anything like that. I’m sure they had male pattern baldness since the dawn of man. What they didn’t have was clippers, the kind that would give the haircut that Stratham wears in the movie.

Yeah, I know it’s a minor thing. But it still bothers me. Don’t get me started on Ray Liotta as the evil wizard. As a bad guy? Yes. As a Dark Ages wizard? No.

4. The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything: A Veggie Tales Movie (1,336 Theaters, 85 Minutes, Rated NC-17. No, no, just kidding, Rated G): You may think that the Veggie Tales guys are riding the coat tales of the uber-popular Pirates of the Caribbean franchise with this installment. But, according to IMDB, they started work on this film before Johnny Depp buckled his first swash.

This is the latest effort from the Christian computer animated vegetable franchise which teaches morals to the youngsters. They have appeared on TV, DVD’s and CD’s. While certain morals are universal, be informed. If God is a big part of your life, then here is a animated movie you can take your kids to. If you prefer you children to learn values without the heavy religious overtones, this flick is not for you.

I just like to see how the Christian vegetables deal with the world of pirates, a group known for drinking, raping and pillaging. I expect a lot of glossing over to be done.

Unfortunately, iFilm has no trailer for this film. Aw, shucks. I was looking forward to Bob the Tomato Pirate. (No, not really.)

Now the predictions, this is what I predicted for last week:

  1. One Missed Call
  2. National Treasure: Book of Secrets
  3. Juno
  4. Alvin and the Chipmunks
  5. I Am Legend

And this is how it turned out:

  1. National Treasure: Book of Secrets
  2. Juno
  3. I Am Legend
  4. Alvin and the Chipmunks
  5. One Missed Call

I am happily surprised that Juno did better than I thought it would and that One Missed Call did worse than I thought would. I got the top five movies right, just not in the right order. I went 1 for 5, bring my 21 week total up to 43 for 105 and my percentage to 40%. Here is what I think next week will look like:

  1. Juno
  2. First Sunday
  3. National Treasure: Book of Secrets
  4. The Bucket List
  5. I Am Legend

I think Juno has what it takes to jump into the top spot over tough competition from First Sunday. And I think The Bucket List can overcome bad reviews to make it into the top five.

Avatar für William Gatevackes
About William Gatevackes 1983 Articles
William is cursed with the shared love of comic books and of films. Luckily, this is a great time for him to be alive. His writing has been featured on Broken, and in Comics Foundry magazine.
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